Fear is a sign to come home to yourself
Fear seems to be a major driver in our world these days and adds to a generalised feeling of instability and upset that requires constant examination and rebalancing, lest we get sucked into the turmoil.
A couple of weeks ago, following a series of tests on my beleaguered hip, an orthopaedic surgeon recommended operating as a way of resolving the pain and damage that had accrued successive accidents over the past 18 months. It was a pretty heavy programme – with no certainty of success, and ultimately leading to 6 weeks on crutches – which was hard for me to get my head around. I found myself agreeing to a date for the surgery, and trying to figure out how things would look during the recovery period.
“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” ~ Marcus Aurelius
Some of you know me well enough to know that I’ve had particularly bad luck with doctors throughout my life and, as a consequence, I’m deeply suspicious of their protocols. For a few days I grappled with what to do, then one sleepless night I just sat up and really listened deeply to what my body was telling me.
A few days before, I had returned from India where I had been pain-free through two weeks of Ayurvedic treatment, so it was clear that there was more than just a mechanical issue involved. I knew deep inside that emotions and fatigue were playing a major role in the pain, as a vicious circle of fear, frustration and exhaustion from lack of good sleep were wearing me down.
This same fear that was adding to my pain was ultimately what made me agree to the surgery, and in a moment of clarity, I realised that I had fallen into the trap of reacting to challenges through the lens of fear, leading to a feeling of powerlessness and causing unnecessary confusion and upset. I decided to cancel the operation.
In the days since, I’ve been reflecting on how best to go forward, seriously considering going back to pursue the Ayurvedic treatment that has given me such good results. For now, it seems prudent to postpone the upcoming cycle of the Mindful Living Course until early 2018, giving me the freedom to go away as necessary. Right now, it’s important to be able to let go of what might be standing in the way of moving forward, however familiar or comforting it might feel.
This Sunday at 19:30 I will host a free zoom meeting for those who would like to connect and practice mindfulness together – beginners welcome! – so call in at this link on the day.
Fittingly, today’s New Moon in Virgo is an opportunity to focus on the need for discernment and healing, however that speaks to us in our lives. It occurs at a time when Jupiter and Uranus are forming their relatively rare third exact opposition since last December, which adds to the energy of upheaval and the major, unexpected natural and international events of the moment – this effect continues strongly over the next two weeks so practice rolling with the proverbial punches. Something unexpected or transformational – even a reversal of fortune (good or bad luck, depending) – is also possible in your own life in the days ahead, as might have occurred around last Christmas or in early March. The last time we saw this opposition was at the end of August 2003, and we won’t see this again until January 2031!
What’s more, this Friday evening (around 22:02 Brussels time on September 22nd) is the official Autumn Equinox, when day equals night and we shift to a more introspective energy.
Take care of your health to carry you through the darker, vata-aggravating days in the lead up to winter – you might like to curl up with a warm cup of nourishing Golden Milk to keep you strong.
With much love and golden light,